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Trajan’s Column: How to Build an Ancient Monument WITHOUT Alien Intervention

Here’s a very sweet stop-motion animation showing how the ancient Romans may have built Trajan’s column in 113 A.D. —SPOILERS: It didn’t involve anti-gravity…

Trajan’s column is not only a marvel of ancient ingenuity, but an incredible cylindrical ‘comic strip’, erected to commemorate emperor Trajan’s victory over the Dacians. While the Roman empire eventually collapsed along with all its former splendor, the column stood the test of time during all these centuries, and it’s still one of the most iconic monuments of what used to be the capital of the Western world.

“The campaigns were dreadful and violent,” says Roberto Meneghini, the Italian archaeologist in charge of excavating Trajan’s Forum. “Look at the Romans fighting with cutoff heads in their mouths. War is war. The Roman legions were known to be quite violent and fierce.”

Yet once the Dacians were vanquished, they became a favorite theme for Roman sculptors. Trajan’s Forum had dozens of statues of handsome, bearded Dacian warriors, a proud marble army in the very heart of Rome.

The message seems intended for Romans, not the surviving Dacians, most of whom had been sold as slaves. “No Dacians were able to come and see the column,” Meneghini says. “It was for Roman citizens, to show the power of the imperial machinery, capable of conquering such a noble and fierce people.”

A sobering reminder to alternative historians, that not all megalithic monuments should invoke an unconventional origin or engineering solution.

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  1. that was cute
    but as soon as he pulled out the iPhone at the end for a selfie, I was like NO YOU’LL SCREW UP TIME!!! Because I’m such a nerd 😛

    sucks if you only had enough spare change for a one way trip though

  2. Should’ve Been Funny But Wasn’t
    I kept waiting for an arm to be pulled off by a rope or a block to squish a worker or just a little Roman cruelty or vanity. So many wasted opportunities for humor in this piece!

      1. NatGeo Incongruo
        Exactly. Why is NatGeo using an animation technique that begs for humor (or at least a modicum of silliness), but doesn’t capitalize? I doubt children would find this piece engaging, much less adults. It’s insipid, lifeless. Maybe a different narrator would have helped?

        A cameo from an animated Zahi Hawass commenting on the “Great Romans” would have been a nice touch.

    1. LOL
      [quote=Charles Pope]I kept waiting for an arm to be pulled off by a rope or a block to squish a worker or just a little Roman cruelty or vanity. So many wasted opportunities for humor in this piece![/quote]

      I like your sense of dark humor >:)

      1. Don’t Need No Stinkin’ Aliens
        It’s funny that no aliens are involved, just time travel! Who needs aliens! The whole concept just doesn’t work, particularly the melodramatic narrative mood.

  3. It only took 3 or 4 men to
    It only took 3 or 4 men to push that 25 to 75 ton block. The ropes actually could lift all that weight too. Today’s machines struggle to lift it and chains break trying to lift it. Maybe they ate there spinach and the ropes were made of something he found in the future with his time machine. Or maybe the pope blessed them and they could do it. Not buying it.

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