The Australian Woman, or The True Blue Aussie Sheila
Posted by the shadow at 03:50, 27 Jul 2006A few years ago I was asked by the editor of an American news site for which I occasionally wrote, to put a few words together about Australian women.
So I did.
No, he would not publish it but he loved it and I believe sent it on to friends.
Every word is true.
I'm an Aussie sheila so I know my place in the scheme of things, which is to be seen and not heard.
Aussie sheilas work 10 hours a day at their jobs and return home and clean the house,cook the meals,get their gear off in the bedroom, buy the steaks and snags for the barbies on the weekend, pick up the slabs (beer),clean the truck, wash feed and discipline the kids, provide tucker for the footie match, and go along in case they are needed to fetch the beer down to the footie ground, wash the team's footie shirts, bath the dog, remind the husband he needs to go on a diet, accepts without complaint his criticism of her and her parents and her grandparents and her children and her dog and her cat and her car and her job, and her hair and her weight and her dress sense, and her suburb/city/country of birth, and her political affiliation, and definitely her tennis playing and the colour of her eyes, and tell him three times a day and six times on Sundays that he is handsome, sexy, a good father, the only one she ever loved,(haha), the best lover she's ever had (ha bloody haha), has the best hair she has ever seen, even if he is bald, has a great tight arse, she loves hairy men, even with hair in their ears, nostrils, etc etc, has the best genes in the world , that's why she chose to have his children, irons his pants with the special crease he likes, makes sure he has plenty of underdaks because he refuses to buy his own, informs him at family dinners whether or not he has sugar in his coffee and how much, cleans his car for him and shines it once a week, tells his boss he is sick when he is faking it, fake it when you have sex with him, congratulate him on his three seconds of foreplay he managed last night, tell him his penis is the biggest you have ever seen, but you're never actually seen any you tell him,(ha bloody ha ha ha),pat his beer belly and say no darling I don't think you drink too much, take his clothes off him when he comes home from a stag party ten minutes before the wedding and tell him that your best friend will loooove his having taken her groom out last night and chained him naked to the stop sigh on the highway out of town......
tell his mother what a great son she raised, listen sweetly every time he praises his mother's cooking over her's, invite his parents and siblings around for Sunday dinner every Sunday and tell his mother how much you need to learn from her, make the payments on everything, accept criticism for missing payment on his car because child was running 105 degree temperature and needed emergency operation, smile happily when he announces big surprise coming up on wedding anniversary and smile even bigger when find out surprise is a four day fishing trip for him and his mates, run out at 5am and buy bait he forgot before fishing trip and smile at mates when they arrive late smelling of grog and tramp around house waking children, happily accept late anniversary present of electric drill, and place it in his tool shed with Christmas present from him of circular saw and Birthday present from him of screw driver set, work overtime to purchase hi-tech mobile phone he looked at in catalogue, and agree totally with him next day when after losing it he preclaims it wasn't much good anyway, pick up wet towels and clothes from bathroom floor, wipe mud from bedroom carpet, inform children your mother not witch and does not put curses on people and even if she was they won't get the witch gene, look for husband to reprove him for telling children rubbish and get told to move from in front of TV, Warnie's gunna bowl,hurry to kitchen to get more beer for husband's mates, laugh when they empty chip packet over new sofa saying you can clean it tomorrow, hurry with shower so you can get to bed before husband and get to sleep.
Smile when you don't make it and say....
Of course I'm not tired.
shadows
I expect you all to believe every word!
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Comments
22 November 2004
1 day 12 hours
What with these ladies being so busy, is Australia depending on immigration for population growth, of even constant population levels?
Of course this might be fiction. But then, I have met quite a few Australian men ("blokes" is the techincal term?) outside of their native habitat, and I have yet to meet an Australian woman. And these "blokes" all tell more or less the same tale. Suspicious in the extreme, no?
There must be some truth to your story. Hmmm.
24 June 2004
5 years 49 weeks
there must be.
shadows
10 August 2004
17 weeks 5 days
Helping with the muster, branding and de-nutting the beasts, feeding the chooks, milking the cow - and don't forget the 200 km drive in both directions to get that slab of beer from the pub!!! Oh, and feeding the pigs (the 4-footed variety.)! Oz may 'ride on the sheeps' back', but the sheep are being carried by the womenfolk.
LOL, and love, Kathrinn.
5 May 2004
1 year 37 weeks
Is that all?
24 June 2004
5 years 49 weeks
shadows
22 November 2004
1 day 12 hours
you know, the only reason that your mates get sick after 35 beers is that you women don't pick out the one bad beer? You should scan them more carefully. The beers, and the mates.
Ok, that was lame, i'm sorry. I should not have said it, I take it back.
1 May 2004
13 weeks 8 hours
you were to believe that all aussie blokes are that way inclined.
Never forget...free will and chose.
1 May 2004
5 years 12 weeks
Oh yes! Dear shadows, I'm a "Shelia" too, I'm just in the wrong country!!! You are so on target that I had to laugh, and a whole lot better than crying. I'm borrowing one of Katya's BIG HUGS for you. Keep up the good work, hey it's no wonder we are falling apart, we have been overworked and all with no pay. Take care darlin' I think about you every day. Love, Pam -----------------------------Truth is stranger than fiction.
24 June 2004
5 years 49 weeks
We're all sisters us sheilas and you are definitely one of us.
love shadows
24 June 2004
5 years 49 weeks
let me tell you about the other kind of Aussie sheila who unfortunately is proliferating these days.
The above was just a joke although I have no doubt that there are women who do some or even most of those things for their men.
But there seems to be a new sort of woman who was not around when I was a child.
These women meet a nice man, get married and have children, and a couple of years into the marriage they decide this is not what they want.
That's OK, we all change our minds.But these women of whom I speak are different in that they have to blame someone and it has to be their mate.
They do not just end the marriage and move on.
They decide they have to destroy the man they married and who is the father of their children so they can justify their actions.
Almost all of my friends have sons who have suffered at the hands of this type of woman.Without exception the men are good men.I have known them all their lives and watched them grow up, good citizens and good sons and fathers.
But the wives don't see that, they only see that somehow something in their marriage did not work out.Things were not what they had expected and so they have to blame someone and it is the man they married.
I also know women who have ended marriages and had an excellent relationship with their former husbands and both worked out the best way to raise their kids.
But the situation is so bad now that friends of mine have remarked when their sons get married that they hope they do not have kids as it will destroy them if they lose them.
I have seen women leave their husbands with babies that are still being breast-fed,that are only a few months old, and move in with another man.
How can things change that quickly?
Is it that no one wants to work through anything these days?
People don't seem to want to handle the difficult situations.They want problems solved for them.And the government in the past has been very kind in providing pensions for women who want to raise their kids alone.
Although I believe this has changed.
There are men who write on this forum, men whom I would be proud to have as sons, who have suffered such as I have mentioned from the women they married and their lives will never be the same.
Something in them dies.
I know of young men who have suicided as a result of losing their children and also there are young men who go crazy and kill their kids as well.
It seems to be a modern phenomenon.I can remember one young couple I know who had the most wonderful wedding after being together 6 years.
I cried watching the wedding video at the obvious love they had for one another.
Six months later she kicked him out when she met another man.
Three months later he rode his motorcycle into a tree and killed himself.
It was an accident they said.
Marriages will always break up, and people will always change their minds, but the way it is at present, we have developed a culture of cruel women who will seek to destroy that which they once loved.
Yes I know there are lots of men who play up on their wives, look at Shane Warne.
But when it comes to straight out viciousness the women win hands down.
I don't want people to think I mean all women because of course I don't.I mean those particular women who seem to think that only they can love their kids, that only they can raise their kids, and only they are the innocent party to a marriage.
shadows
1 May 2004
13 weeks 8 hours
I know you know i've been through this twice..........every day I have to adjust my thinking so as to keep a balance in my head. Other wise the dispair I feel not having my beautiful children with me would overcome me and destroy me.
Thanks shadows for recognising this for what it is..........
Sad, very sad. My daughter suffers every day to. All I can do is reassure her that I am with her in spirit all the time.
24 June 2004
5 years 49 weeks
I know very well floppy what you have been through and my thoughts are often with you, as they are with all the others I know who have suffered this way.
love shadows